My entrance into the world of Internet dating has made me consider a host of questions. But the most pressing one is - is online cheating, really cheating?
Conventional wisdom teaches us that physical contact with another person is cheating. Jeremy Kyle certainly has a scale of cheating. But what about emotional cheating?
Many women and probably not a few men would consider emotional closeness to another to constitute cheating. But we all have friends and so how is chatting to someone online and getting close to them any different to growing closer to a friend of the opposite sex in the real world? It's never possible to categorise all of your relationships (including platonic and familial) and to do so would undermine their complexity. Life comes in many shades of grey.
Maybe I'm a bit abnormal. I don't get jealous. He can do what he wants, but don't expect me to stick around and put up with your bullshit. Twice now I have stuck when I wanted to run, committed more than I thought I ever could, but eventually enough is enough. And when I find myself succumbing to the desire I have been fighting for so long, that's when I know its time to leave.
I'm not proud of it, but I have cheated on 2 boyfriends. Both the ones I count as full-flung, proper relationships. Or perhaps the only 2 I have truly loved.
Whenever I've cheated in the past I have left him. I don't tell him because I don't believe in making him feel worse to ease my conscience. If anything, that would make it harder - knowing how truly I had devastated him.
If a guy wants to cheat, I can't stop him. But he'll lose me. I couldn't be in a relationship post infidelity. If it was a one off mistake, and we had kids I'd leave. But I guess you can't make that decision until you're in that situation faced with all the relevant factors.
But I can't imagine being that old. I look at my colleague who graduated my uni 5 years before I should have. She's married and successful in her career. No kids yet. But I just can't contemplate being that old and being a mother. I would like it but not yet.
As my dear friend pointed out the other, life has an uncanny knack of not playing by our rules.
No comments:
Post a Comment