My date tonight postponed as he had to work late. Maybe it's a line, maybe not, but at least it's cooled my feelings toward him. This is a good thing.
I'm tired and admittedly I didn't make much effort today, so I think a night at home will be nice. I need to stop pushing myself to be running around so much. I can feel a throat infection coming, and I really don't want to see him like that or give it to him.
I am a bit disappointed, as I was looking forward to seeing him. But I'm not sure how much he was really looking forward to seeing me. I think date 3 is always an odd one. He wanted to see me tomorrow but I'm not free. And I certainly don't want him thinking I'm too available. we'll see whether weds happens. If not, that's that and I'm moving on to the next one. I'd just like to stop thinking about him. But as far as he is concerned, I'm fine about tonight. It's all about keeping it cool. What he doesn't know is I consider it extremely rude, regardless of whoever it is. And I did have a whinge to my poor friend about it. But if I can seem to keep my composure about it all, that can be no bad thing. I don't want to rush into anything.
Mcgeeky Dickhead was the last guy I got too far too fast involved with, and I don't want to do that again. Mcsteamy trainrider was a bit of fun, and yes I liked him a bit, but not so much as to qualify for too far too fast status. Had I seen Popeye tonight, I think I would have started getting involved (assuming it went well) and that's too quick. Dating, having a laugh and keeping it casual is all I want. And after the confusion of mcsexy, the last thing I need is to be caught up in a heady intoxication. Plus I'm trying not to spend too much. And maybe giving him a few days to think about me and hopefully miss me will be a good thing. I guess I'm just used to being in control and always knowing where I stand. That used to be the beauty of guys being interchangeable. And the beauty of online dating - if one doesn't work out, next! To that end I've lined up another 2 dates. Neither of which I'm particularly fussed about, which seems to be the best way - little involvement before you meet, then if it's no great shakes, no dramas.
All this is reminding me of how strange the dating game is. What are the rules, and how does it go? How do you play it, and how do you read their intentions? How do you know if they're playing games?
My friend and I had a very long conversation about this today. He has discovered that not only does his new squeeze have a boyfriend, but a wife and kids - when he had originally said he was single. Our discussion of increasing emotions as you age really struck a chord in me - and I think this is really true of men. My remark that when I was younger, if it didn't work out it was a case of 'next!' and move on. But it's a bit different now. Now, when you care about someone, you don't just want to move on. It takes time to get over the pain. But in my case, I'm not emo involved so I have no problem with the 'next' aspect of online dating.
I can't believe I never tried it before. Definitely the way to go. And yes you don't always know what you're talking to, but there are procedures for staying safe. And actually communicating before a date, rather than a random hook-up in a bar then a date, is much better.
So, we shall see what happens. Perhaps talking about it beforehand is tempting fate, but I'm done with silly fears. What will be will be.
Maybe my lack of desire for a relationship comes across? I'm just not one of those girls desperate for a relationship. I'd still rather be alone than unhappy, and I'm not looking for a man to complete me.
That said, I am looking forward to curling up in bed with Matt Damon tonight.
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