Facebook then and now - or, time is a great healer (and FB lets you look back on another time)

Facebook is a wonderful invention.   It's interesting to see that 8 months ago, I was down and needed hugs and love, wondering if and when life would get better. Well, now it has. I have good friends, a wonderful loving supportive family, and a great permanent job. It could be a lot worse. It was a lot worse. And yes I'd like a man to complement it, but I don't NEED one. Massive difference. I'm no longer running away, seeking what I needed, in a man. I'm stronger, better and more in control of myself and my plans now. I can't control everything, and I will still get hurt. But the 6 months I gave myself to think have done me an inordinate amount of good.  Nothing is official unless it's on FB. And  I laughed when I was informed of what mcgeeky dickhead is up to next - he so won't cope. And I really doubt his mother will allow him to follow through on said plans. Plus what will happen to his flat?  Interesting how I thought he was so noble and full of integrity, yet he is now going somewhere he vowed not to go. Did he just say that to keep me sweet? Who can truly say. But we were not meant to be. And I really am glad it's over; we would have dragged each other down. I write this with no anger or bitterness; just calm reflection bred of retrospection.  I am glad he is on another continent though (at least for the next year) - it means I have the run of south England without worrying I'll run into him. I feel for him that his plans fell through, but then perhaps he should have taken his own advice and got out of the TEFL game. Or organised a job before he shelled out on flights to the other side of the world. Take a risk, yes. But riding bareback? Oh so dumb. Fool.  In some ways I miss what we had. Not the bullshit, the lies and the falsity. Not the ending or how ugly he became.  But I do miss the intimacy of quiet DVD n dominos nights, and the lengths he went to in the kitchen (and bedroom) for me. Did he love me? Who knows.  But it's an interesting reminder of that time; that when I went back to collect my stuff, it was still everywhere as though I'd never left. And he couldn't have bought a girl home in that time as it looked as though a couple lived there. Maybe he was like me in the self-confidence area, not quite capable of believing I deserve something so incredible. But like I said on FB back then, once the trust is gone, it's gone. And I am worth far more than him.  It's still interesting to look back on it though, as a barometer of how far I've come and how resilient I am.  And I will be loved again. I believe this. Not in a Disney-risqué way, but a calm inner certainty.  If a man as good as my first love can adore me, so can another. Someone right for me, who will treat me with the respect I deserve. I'm looking forward to meeting him. And in the meantime, I'm focusing on me, my education and my career. It's nice to be able to do that. Sat reading an academic textbook in a coffeehouse today, I reflected on the fact that I CAN.  And I am. Bloody marvellous.