The impending new year has me thinking about resolutions. We all make them, and usually all break them.
Lose weight, get fit, save money, stop smoking, get married, get divorced, take that trip... All very commendable goals. But the one thing I have learned these past 2 years is you have no idea what will happen in a day, let alone a year, and so you cannot plan for much. So I have hopes and ambitions for this year, and I will do my best to achieve them. And in my experience the bigger the list of goals, the more unlikely fulfilling them all are. Which only leads to disappointment and feelings of inadequacy.
I am going back to school. Whether a language class or an A-level, I am not yet sure. I certainly cannot afford a masters this year. But I miss education, I miss learning, I miss the thrill of reading academic texts and getting excited by them. Writing rebuttals to scholarly articles and analysing numerous sources. Spending hours discussing them with friends and having intellectual debates.
Maybe others can do it all - career, social life, relationship and study, but I am a woman of extremes and I cannot tolerate a half-arsed failing attempt at doing it all. And I have the self-awareness to recognise and acknowledge that in myself.
So this year, after the last 2 years of being all about others, I would like to be all about me.
Maybe that sounds selfish, but in my opinion it would be far more selfish to promise what I can't deliver and let people down.
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