Reality is kicking in. I really do not have time for a relationship right now. There is so much going on in my life that I don't have room for complications, or even the energy required to sustain a connection with someone.
You get out what you put in to everything. So the little I could put into a relationship would be very unsatisfactory. Not to mention very unfair on the other person.
I miss the closeness. But not as much as I was. Marked decrease, which feels positive. I'm looking forward to concentrating on my career properly, getting fit and toning my tummy (worst problem area), and generally getting my head together. I think it's actually pretty mature to acknowledge you need to grow. So many people are unhappy, and moan about it, but how many people actually do something about it?
I need to decide where I want to spend Christmas. I feel like skipping it this year. It's never been my favourite holiday, and I want to spend it in a non Christian country. Though that will probably be expensive. I haven't been single for 10 years and I think it will be the time I really feel alone, so I'd rather avoid it if possible.
I'm sat in the park writing this, it's a beautiful autumn day and there's a kind of magic in the air. The cloudless blue sky is contrasting so wonderfully with the changing leaves. Red gold yellow and brown. Definitely my favourite season. And it's nice to be wrapping up in thick jumpers again. The park is full of office workers and students on lunch. There is a very affectionate couple sat opposite me. It's nice, and they seem happy, but it's just too much work and too much effort for me right now.
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