Absence makes the heart grow empty - 18th November

Today I realised a profound truth. I am in love with no-one. My heart belongs to no-one and I am not thinking of any man whom I have any feelings for. 3 hot guys in finance but they are just decorations, pretty wallhangings. I have no true desire because I have no-one to project them on to. Sure it would be nice to get laid but as I've said before I'm not just going to shag someone.

Lock, stock, and totally without a cock

"Mr Braker.  Today, my name, is Mr Braker".  This line from Brit classic Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels  sums up my mood today.
Undesirable.  Today, my name is undesirable.  Alternating between horny-as-hell, and not-being-able-to-do-anything-about-it-so-what's-the-point-in-being-horny.  Not being able to flirt is kinda getting me down and I feel like an absolute frump.  But what's really pissing me off is the realisation that I am so dependent on male attention for my self-esteem.  So fucking pathetic.  So much for Little Miss Independent.

I miss having someone.  I miss kissing.  I miss flirting.  I miss the excitement that comes in the early days and he texts you.  I miss dating.  I miss anticipation, excitement and butterflies in the stomach.
But I miss sex.  Passion, fireworks and earth-shattering orgasms.  Whoever said it's better to have loved and lost than not loved at all is an absolute idiot.  Especially considering my favourite time of year is coming (Halloween to Xmas) and I'll be spending it absolutely alone.