Oh dear. I find myself watching 'The Only Way is Essex'. It's pretty funny (but also a demeaning and shallow piss-poor insight into life in an area of England). Its all about sex and relationships. I was fine about my newly-commenced celibacy - until I saw Mario's naked arse in a totally-staged-but-still-hot shot of him just out the shower.
Having a good chat with my friend tonight just reminded me of how much I tend to throw my broken-hearted self into rebounds every time I walk away from a long-term relationship. My unconscious philosophy has always been to find someone else to play with, someone else to shag until I get over the relationship. Maybe not healthy but pretty standard. Then by the time that's done I have someone else to play with.
So knowing I am forbidding myself from doing that is going to be bloody tough. I can lie to everyone else, but I cannot lie to myself. I need to have this break and get over all of it.
But its gonna be fucking tough, especially when my libido is being denied and is therefore screaming for some attention. Shit.
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