Opening up to trust again

My decision to end my celibacy has raised a few eyebrows.
I wasn't lonely. But I was frustrated. Sexually and passionately. I like being expressive, to give my loved ones affection. I also like sex for stress release. I was getting bored with the celibacy. I'm confident I made the right decision, I don't regret it. The objective was to prevent myself getting hurt, rushing into anything and putting my man before myself. I've taught myself to no longer do these things. And now I'm dating again and having a laugh. Plus feeling sexy and being attractive is always a confidence booster. So I'm still content and settled, just didn't quite make it a year. But I made the considered decision to break it at the right time. And I don't feel like a failure. Happy days. 
Life can be fun, and life can be cruel. But rather than let it keep you down, you have to pick yourself up and start again. Friends and family get you through it. The people you love are the most important in the world. Any time you open yourself up to anyone new you run the risk of getting hurt, which everyone is scared deep down. But if it goes tits up, rely on those who love you to get you through, and don't believe everyone in the world is evil. You can't truly love someone unless you trust them.

Standing outside the train station today, I was fortunate to have the 'pleasure' of listening to a group of Chavs. Minding my own business and quietly finishing my cigarette, I did my best to act as though I couldn't hear them.  Lucky me, they were loudly and unashamedly discussing their sex lives. Or as they referred to it, 'shagging'.
Don't get me wrong I have used this verb myself in the past. I have even shagged.  But there is something so crude, so scuzzy about this that I couldn't help starting to think.
The purpose of this blog was to help keep me on track.  It was not started as a break-up diary, nor an anti-men rant, nor the space for a bitter washed up old housewife to be venemous.  I'm aware that some of my posts are not as positive as they could be.  But they will never be contrived or written for an audience.  This is an honest, accurate reflection of what I feel most days.  As with other people, my moods go up and down.  The difference is, I'm being honest and admitting that I am not always Little Miss Sunshine, and that I have feelings and thoughts. 
Neither was it designed to be a graphically detailed account of my sex life. 
It has become clear to me that this is also serving as a good account of my feelings the last few months, and that is no bad thing.  Only by realising what emotions I have experienced the last few months, as in seeing it written in black, white and shades of blue, can I truly undertake the self-realisation and introspection that I hope will enlighten me and make me a better person.